Not Dead, Thanks Anyway Tron

Despite Tron's best efforts at sucking, I am still alive.

I'm not going to labor myself here, as I've already suffered enough, but this is why I take a dump on Tron Legacy.

First, whether or not it was a result of poor CG or done intentionally, the digital world in Tron appeared to have it's own unique physical properties. Take, for example, the light-cycles and their geometric movement. That sort of stuff distinguished the world in Tron as governed by different rules. Tron Legacy stuff just looked like designer fashion with neon glued to it - not that mind boggling. The movement and weight of the vehicles along with other parts of the setting didn't give me the impression of a foreign world like Tron did. I realize that this is an incredibly nerdy argument to make, but, goddamnit, I just made it. Deal with that.

Second, and less likely to come up during a game of Magic, the story in Tron Legacy was . . . unfortunate. It centered around some paternal angst and was probably lifted from an episode of Maury. The point is that it was centered around human drama, and that's fine for a Ryan Gosling movie, but I was expecting something a little more conceptually innovative. In it's time, Tron was a movie of innovative, mind-blowing ideas and the design centered around that. When I went into Tron Legacy I expected to have my mind-blown visually and intellectually. I was expecting The Matrix but got Kramer vs Kramer with lasers. It's a generic action film with a dash of daddy-drama and a hint of romance that could have been ported to any setting.

Finally, too many movies. There were like 3 or 4 different movies all crammed into this one. I would have rather seen a movie about Flynn vs Clue or the whole isotope war. The story depended on a lot of back-stories that could have been explored independently, but were only given a brief summation. Basically, we got Return of the King and the cliff notes to Fellowship and Towers all rolled into one package that didn't come with a gift receipt.

Tron Legacy was a generic, summer, block-buster action movie that didn't star Will Smith or offer anything besides flashy visuals and a sick score.Although I was pleased to see what Daft Punk's home planet looks like.

TRON!

New Tron is coming, and I am totally stoked. I went back and watched the original a couple of times and, not only did I enjoy it, but I think it still holds up. If you strip back the superficial details, I think a lot of the ideas and themes about technology are still relevant.  During some parts in the film I had that weird William Gibson feeling, like, "when was this made?!" Not quite as mind bending as old Gibby, but trippy nonetheless. I got a bit of a chill listening to programs talk about "users" while reading TorrentFreak.

BeeTeeDubs, Jeff Bridges is the fucking man. I am totally willing to watch the Cohen brothers log-jam another film just to go gay for Mr. Bridges - True Grit FTW.

In order to get fully psyched up for the midnight showing I've been listening to Daft Punk's Tron Legacy OST on repeat. It's shithouse mad. Whoever had the idea of giving Daft Punk a 32 piece orchestra needs to be fellated  for hours on end by an assortment of the finest acrobat hookers Hong Kong has to offer. Bravo sir. Prepare your brain cavity, because this shit will blow your mind.

I've also considered that I may be hyping myself up too much for this, as Hollywood has a tendency of taking my hopes, dreams, and childhood fantasies and raping them Kobe style. But, I am going to allow myself a rare moment of optimism. If it sucks I'll contemplate suicide. No big deal.

Trooooooooooooooon!!!!!!!

 "Hi, I'm Microsoft. Welcome to The Grid."