Gemz of the Interwebz

What are Gemz of the Interwebz you ask? Well, that is an astute question young sir or ma'am. The internet is like soil. Gigantic, fucking dirty, everywhere soil. It's on my shoes, it's in my house, it's in my food. With such an abundance of dirt it is a miracle that from this expanse of garbage someone, somewhere is able to pluck out a stunning and beautiful piece of rock that makes you reevaluate the worth of that endless filth pile. How could something so endlessly worthless produce something so dense and compacted with beauty? Only the Wizard of the Interwebz can solve that riddle because he is the one who made it up. Yes, the Wizard of the Interwebz sprinkles these gemz all about the interwebz in its deepest darkest recesses for intrepid speculators to find and collect - an instinct that resides in all our Pokemon spirits. He does this because he loves us.

So, thank you Wizard, thank you for your wonderful gemz. We will find them and treasure them always.

I don't remember where I found this little gem, but it doesn't matter, everything on the interwebz is for free! Preach, brotha'! Here it is, your moment of gemz.

myalter

All we have to do to eliminate C02 is pay more carbon taxes. It's been proven that taxing people and micro managing individuals lives will prevent climate change, but to do that there needs to be a centralized world government that ensures all citizens comply fully with ever increasing regulations and be willing to make drastic lifestyle changes. The fact is that humans are evil parasites and we need to cull our population based on willingness to obey, genetic superiority (emotional, cognitive, and physiological traits). Only the strong survive-survival of the fittest is unavoidable if we are to continue as a species.

Just Like Jesus

 

Who doesn't aspire to obtain the magical perfection that is our Lord, Jesus Christ? With his silky hair blowing roguishly in the wind and his masculine yet soft beard framing his kind and supple lips, his crown sits loftily upon his head as he smolders in the most holy fashion on a far away and exotic beach. He contemplates a shrewd and tasteful product endorsement while ruminating on his upcoming project with Johnny Depp. He truly is the best of us, if only I could be Just Like Jesus.

I AM Just Like Jesus except:

1. I don't care who wins the Super Bowl and my powers to influence the outcome are very limited.
2. I don't love white people more than everyone else.
3. My pink polo shirt smells like hot garbage, not CK One.
4. Poor people don't frighten me.
5. I didn't think George Bush's tax cuts for the super rich were such a good idea.
6. I don't have that dark and exotic Mediterranean look.
7. I drive a bicycle, not a porsche.
8. My portfolio is much weaker and much less diversified. I still don't understand derivatives, Jesus invented them.
9. I prefer boxer briefs.
10. I would NEVER let Mel Gibson make a movie about me.
11. I don't have A P90X body and I drink too much wine.
12. If I was a ghost I would totally be Patrick Swayze and haunt my loved ones. We miss you Swayze-dogg!
13. I think Kirk Cameron is a douche.
14. My blood is some Old E 40 juice. Jesus's blood is either a cabernet or Michelob Ultra.
15. When we walk on the beach, I am sure as hell not carrying you.
16. My dad didn't give me a trust fund. 
17. I can't afford to eat at McCormick and Schmicks Seafood when there are perfectly good fish sticks in the freezer.
18. I don't only drink VOSS artisan water that has been blessed by my dad's friends. 
19. I usually have to work on Sundays.
20. I'm not really into "hanging out."