Pixel Art Extreme: The Exile of Bob

Poor Bob. Wanting to keep all of the bubbles for himself, Bub turned on his brother and locked him away in a dark cave. Will we ever see our intrepid lizard friend? Only time will tell . . .

Best Of The Public Masturbator

20 more reasons not to follow me on Twitter. Once again, I'm 1-20, suck it easy bitches! I win again!

Top 20 #ThePublicMasturbator tweets.

1. Is daring you to make eye contact.
2. Needs 3 minutes and a clear line of sight to the women's shoe department.
3. Only needs 2 minutes in the children's underwear section at Target.
4. Is swift and unnoticed by all. Like a phantom. Like a masturbating phantom.
5. Can drive to work with one hand . . . and loves traffic.
6. Thinks that the mannequin in Gap is giving him a signal.
7. I hope I don't get caught, but secretly . . . I do.
8. Likes the way you sit at Starbucks.
9. LOVES that you order whipped cream on your mocha.
10. Always has something to show for his efforts.
11. Doesn't like it when the movie theater is empty :(
12. Loves baggy pants.
13. Isn't picking a kid up at the bus stop.
14. Is like a magician. He performs Street Magic every day.
15. Brings his work home with him.
16. Seemed really tense about 2 minutes ago . . .
17. Is brown baggin' it today.
18. Doesn't mind if you sit on the bench next to him. He enjoys a challenge.
19. Has been in that bathroom stall for a suspiciously long time.
20. Wishes he had two dicks.

The Great Archives Adventure!

First, let me say this: it's a lie, there are no adventures in archives.

I made this for a graduate level course. Seriously, I know! Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I can't fail.

Click on the image to feel the majesty!

The Best of Farmer Porn

20 reasons not to follow PopNothingIdiot on Twitter:

Best of #FarmerPorn on Twitter

1. The cock gets me up every morning.
2. I'm gonna plow that field and spread my seed all over it.
3. I'm gonna pump that butter churn 'till it's nice and creamy. Just the way grandma likes it.
4. I'm gonna strap a saddle on that filthy beast and ride it until it's sweaty.
5. This was a great year for nuts.
6. Let's just see where this bucket of coleslaw takes us . . .
7. I wanna shuck your corn so hard.
8. You know what's better than nailing a fence? Nothing. I could pound it all day. 
9. It's not about the length of the zucchini, it's about the girth.
10. When you're milking a cow and halfway through you spray the milk all over your face.
11. Would you like me to drop this load off in the front . . . or in the rear?
12. I want you to find the hole, dig it out, and plant your seed.
13. Those melons are ripe for the pickun'
14. I got a tractor out back . . .
15. I drink my milk straight from the teet.
16. My land is spread wide and I keep it wet, real wet.
17. I gonna fill up your silo . . . with grain.
18. I love them hoes. 
19. E-I-E-I-Ooooooh.
20. I'm about to stick my whole arm up this cow's ass.

Lasers are beautiful, and they cannot be taken away from me.

Evils will continue to marry and forge in sweaty chaos offspring with exponentially focused intent on the disruption of elegance and harmony. 
 
When the murky weirdness begins to apply suction to your tender, dangling humanity, repeat with a distillation of all emotions:

Lasers are beautiful, and they cannot be taken away from me.

Haiku for Turtlenecks

Where for hast thou gone?

Dear Turtleneck, my dream.

To a land of cream.

Lasers will help you feel something again.