Top 20 #ThePublicMasturbator tweets.
- Is daring you to make eye contact.
- Needs 3 minutes and a clear line of sight to the women's shoe department.
- Only needs 2 minutes in the children's underwear section at Target.
- Is swift and unnoticed by all. Like a phantom. Like a masturbating phantom.
- Can drive to work with one hand . . . and loves traffic.
- Thinks that the mannequin in Gap is giving him a signal.
- I hope I don't get caught, but secretly . . . I do.
- Likes the way you sit at Starbucks.
- LOVES that you order whipped cream on your mocha.
- Always has something to show for his efforts.
- Doesn't like it when the movie theater is empty :(
- Loves baggy pants.
- Isn't picking a kid up at the bus stop.
- Is like a magician. He performs Street Magic every day.
- Brings his work home with him.
- Seemed really tense about 2 minutes ago . . .
- Is brown baggin' it today.
- Doesn't mind if you sit on the bench next to him. He enjoys a challenge.
- Has been in that bathroom stall for a suspiciously long time.
- Wishes he had two dicks.
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