Toys in Cereal Boxes
Mowing Dad's Lawn
Sky Writing "Happy Birthday Lisa"
Umbrellas (A tight web of lasers will evaporate water before it hits you and also create a soothing, warm mist that is good for your skin)
Garbage Cans (Lasers will leave behind a calming, sage scented residue)
Flowers (Imagine a bouquet of lasers shining at your uncle's funeral, he would be proud)
Adding Grill Marks to Meat (You eat with your eyes! So it's like laser eye surgery)
Teeth (Lasers do all the work, it just slides right down)
Bug Repellent (Tired of that stinky, greasy, oily feeling on your skin? Lasers feel light and fresh)
Currency (It's another word for money)
Bait for Criminals (Sting operation! What crook doesn't want to get their hands on a laser?)
Wrist Watches (Wrist watches have been on the decline now that everyone has cell phones, but what could bring the wrist watch back from the brink? Lasers.)
Super Bowl Half-Time Shows (A recent study of Super Bowl Half-Time shows clearly demonstrates that since the beginning of football, in 1910, lasers have made major inroads into the extravagant performances at their half-times. The study shows an increase in the use of lasers from 0% in 1910 to 81% in 2011. At this rate it is only a matter of time before lasers entirely replace their more human and inferior entertainment counterparts.)
Paintings (Hanging static pictures of stuff on your walls will be passé, soon to be replaced by the ever-changing, glittering majesty of lasers.)
Itchy Scabs (God, I hate itchy scabs. Just hit 'em with a laser, zap! They're back to an open sore. No more itchies. Thanks lasers!)
Cat Removal (Cats can really build up in unregulated areas. Cat's are also really wily and agile and able to hide in really small places, so they are really, really hard to remove . . . except with lasers.)
No comments:
Post a Comment